Friday, October 13, 2023
While passing by your office this afternoon, I noticed you were not in it. Much to my unhappiness, you could be taking a day off or worse yet, you could be out sick with some horrible disease. In fact, I’m guessing that’s probably the problem. You are very likely wasting away with some horrid sickness wracking your body with symptoms impossible to withstand. Here are all the putrid side effects I assume you have:
- Explosive diarrhea
- Hand foot syndrome
- Bleeding from the eyes
- Hemorrhoids (but who doesn’t have those, I mean really)
Since you likely have all the above symptoms with your awful and most probably incurable disease, I’m assuming you also have that condition where you can’t sleep at night and you eat instead. Have you heard of it? It’s called: Insom-nom-nom-nia.
Well, friend. If you make it back here, alive and in working order, albeit greatly scarred and with a newborn, I hope your day goes well and you have a great weekend.