Sweating Nick

I suddenly understand that you are not sweating from my body and I start to remember the way you squeezed me so close to your hips, to you. Your body is not here now, just your presence. Even if your body did finally arrive and I finally accepted all of you, your presence would be absent while mine, looking for my soul.

It’s funny how we can look at so many other people like us and solve their problems. They regain hope for themselves from a guiding light and live happily everlasting communicating, respecting and loving. We can’t see the right answer for us inside our 3-way mirror courting…for us, just our surface showing.

At this time my own life takes precedent and I am now painfully learning from my mistakes. I add my own punishments to them to make sure none are forgotten. But every now and then when nature isn’t rubbing my head and caressing my cheeks, I think of how much more I had healed before I met you. I thought I could share my experiences to help you. But I went through so much more pain after being with you and the rusted irony shoots tetanus through the blood that leaks from my broken heart. Now we have simple conversations as frequent as flowers during a warm winter in New England.

And I found someone new and perfect who makes the world okay; we are separated only by our blood and distance, which is only temporary…Maybe I’ll just take care of me for a while. I’ll get some exercise and sweat out the rest of you and a love that was just meant to be a practice.

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From Bad Dirt during Winter's Bone and Saved by the Holy Spirit's Redeeming Grace


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